Ever the optimist I decided to venture into the world of Snog Marry Avoid with a positive attitude and you know what? This show is fantastic. It's a truly brilliant piece of television that helps highlight the shallow world that we now truly live in, a social experiment outlining all that is wrong with how we now judge women. It puts men on trial for the crimes that they commit against the opposite gender that helps continue this situation we have in which women are forced to feel they need to constantly look beautiful while also making the men themselves pressured into caring nothing about a girls personality just for feeling they're coming on too strong. Oh no sorry that's something else. Snog Marry Avoid is a piece of offensive fucking trash that makes me want to die, please allow me to continue.
The concept of this show is very simple. Grab someone who looks fucking stupid, tell them they look fucking stupid, they say stupid fucking things, the heavily screened "public" opinion is voiced and the fucking stupid people are made to look less fucking stupid. See? Very very simple, and boring. The parts of the programme that I presume are meant to be seen as entertaining are the following -
1. A night in the life of our airhead, or as I like to call it, Twatwatch.
2. POD's witty little lighthearted remarks.
3. Hearing the "public" opinion.
Now, lets start with Twatwatch. There's not much to explain here, you literally just watch a Twat on her night out. This can however, sometimes be a man, which tends to just be him getting ready in his room. As a little side note, when a man is on this programme it's only either when they're "different" or pretending to be Russell Brand. Anyway, as I was saying, this bit is mainly useless but we get to watch twats say things that make us hate them and watch other twats lust over them, which is, ya know, fun isn't it? This is what we do isn't it, with our collective intelligence and endless ability to imagine unfathomable possiblities, we film, make then watch this trash. Kill me now.
Onto POD and the public opinion. The POD sections are FUCK boring, the woman voicing the fashion robot occasionally making lighthearted sometimes slightly catty comments or shit puns/innuendos, never actually saying what she should say. Instead of "I can see two pretty big reasons why you could remind someone of Pamela Anderson" I think the woman should say something like "You've wasted money on a boob job and you think life is only worth how good you look. People commit suicide because they agonise daily over the meaning of life and their lifelong creative works and this is what you spend your life doing?". I should do the voice for POD. The public opinion is quite frankly brilliant because as we all know, there's nothing better than watching someone spending all of their time on making themselves look "pretty" and then having men tell them they look disgusting. Genuinely warms my heart, gives me that happy feeling you get when a tiny kitten meows or Richard Hammond nearly dies in a car crash (been watching too much Stewart Lee). However, one unnerving thing about the public is the men's ability to pick "Marry" out of the three choices. What sort of unhinged person sees someone and then thinks "No. You know what, I wouldn't just snog her, I'd fucking propose"? Seriously, somebody find out because I want to meet these men and have them tested.
Anyone that makes it a huge part of their life to look "pretty" or "sexy" is a bland and pointless shell of a human who holds no more value than the slow floating dust that passes me by every single day. This therefore makes Snog Marry Avoid seem very much like a conveyor of slow floating dust, a smorgasbord of "bubbly" reasons why I on a daily basis want to ram a knife through my own neck. I think this also brings up another important point, every single episode is exactly the same and I mean EXACTLY the same. To anyone who actually enjoys watching this programme, I pose you this one question, why? Is it the mindless repetition each episode brings you? The utterly depressing attitudes of every single person who is dragged on in front of that snooty bitch POD? Or is it to just feel better about yourself? Please, enlighten me, because this show honestly does make me feel about as depressed as watching a child weep over the corpse of its beloved first pet while their father twats their mother in the background.
